To Be ... Or Not To Be... Part Three

To be ... Or Not To Be... part one | To be ... Or Not To Be... part two

Pulling out her hand from Sam’s grip she got up from the couch and faced Sam.
“I want you to leave, Sam”
“If that is what you want.” Saying so, Sam got up from the couch and walked towards the door. He hesitated for a while and then turned to face Laura.
“One more thing before I go. I am not your Aunt’s son, so I am not your brother, if that is what you meant when you said – this is not right, we should not be doing this.” And, he started walking again.
“Wait a minute” Laura said, confused.
Sam smiled.
“You are not my Aunt’s son?”
“No. I am an adopted child.”

“You are a liar” Laura heard Sam’s words clear for the first time. He was yelling back at her Aunt. And, then she heard the sound of a slap.
“Don’t you dare raise your voice on your mother” her aunt had reacted.
“You are not my mother” Sam screamed.
Laura stood at the door, crying. She knew she was responsible for all that was happening inside the room and she would never forgive herself for that.

Today, she realized that Sam had really meant what he had said and that was not mere frustration of not being allowed to do what he had wanted to do. Today, she understood the reason for her loneliness.
“Why did you apologize a few minutes ago?” Laura questioned.
“You had to leave our house because of me. I never wanted that to happen”
Laura started crying again. “Then why did you not keep in touch?”
“Because, I thought you were angry on me. I called you at your hostel but I was not allowed to talk to you.”
“Hold me” she said walking towards Sam. “I love you, Sam” she whispered as he wrapped his arms around her. Sam held her tight against his body. “I have always loved you, Laura” he said kissing her on the cheek.
“I wish I could bring back all the years gone by” he said wiping her tears.
“I wish, too” Laura said holding him tight against her own body.
She smiled. The guilt, it was gone now. She was happy. She was very happy.
They stood in each other’s embrace for a long time. Finally Sam moved back.
They both knew what they wanted to do and refrain from doing at the same time.
Sam held her hand for a long time, hesitating to let go, then finally he let it go and stepped back. “I should leave” he said, hoping that Laura would ask him to stay.
“Ok” she said, hoping that he would stay.
After a moment of hesitation they kissed again and then Sam walked out of the door.
Laura smiled as she closed the door behind her. She was alone but she was not lonely. Sam’s presence lingered in the house. Laura’s smile faded as she realized something. She closed her eyes and visualized. She had been too excited to have Sam back in her life, so much that she had failed to notice his hesitation. Now, when she was alone it dawned upon her that he was hiding something. The realization hit her like a blow in the pit of her stomach. The woman at the café! Who was she? Was it something related to her that Sam was hesitating to tell her about? Before she could figure out the answer, the doorbell rang. She knew who it was. When Sam had walked out of the door she had wanted him to walk back to her. She needed him so much. Now, she needed him to answer her question.
She opened the door and saw Sam standing at the door, tears streaming down his face.
“What happened?” she asked concerned. Her own concern of few minutes ago, vanishing in thin air.
Sam did not answer, he simply hugged her.
“I wish I could bring back the years gone by” he sobbed.

That moment, standing at the door, wrapped in Sam’s tight embrace, she knew what he meant. That very moment, she felt something crushing inside her, crushing into thousands and millions of pieces. It was to be or not to be situation again. Sam’s hesitation had everything to do with the woman from the café. She tried to control her own emotions as she tried to console Sam.
“It’s ok, Sam. Few things cannot be changed.” She said trying to come out of the embrace. Sam did not let her go. Instead his grip tightened further.
“I have always loved you, Laura.” Sam repeated. She tried her best to hold back her tears and her lips began to quiver. She tried harder to come out of the embrace and finally Sam let her go. He continued staring at the floor. His tears dropping down from the eyes directly on his shoes! Laura held his hand and made him sit on the couch. As she held his hand in hers, she tried to feel his touch and she knew she had lost Sam forever when she felt the ring Sam was wearing in the fourth finger. His wedding band!

Laura could not control her emotions anymore, tears rolled down her cheeks and they kissed again. This time Sam tried to take it one step further but Laura hesitated. She knew Sam needed her, he wanted to make love to her and she wanted to have him too but –
Past so many years she had lived with the guilt of attempting to have sex with someone she thought was her cousin brother but, now, she did not want to live the rest of her life with the guilt of having sex with a married man.
Laura stepped back. Sam looked away.
“Leave, Sam” she said with a shaky voice as she walked to the washroom.
She waited for Sam to close the door behind him and then she started crying aloud. Finally, it was - not to be.



Books by Arti Honrao

Depression is REAL

Scroll through and click on image to read