Silent Moments With Dad...

I had written this post during the earlier days of Blogging. I found it in my file and just felt like posting it again ...

There is no limit to reminiscing. You cannot really predict how far you can go in your past when you are nostalgic and usually the triggering factor is disguised in the simplest of forms. My dad and I have spent very few silent moments together. Most of the times we are either quarrelling or making fun of each other or irritating mother by making fun of her. I have gone through all sorts of emotions when dealing with dad. I have loved him, hated him, fought with him, cared for him, got angry on him, snuggled close to him, respected him, feared him, cried because of him and even made him cry. I still remember that day, many a years ago, when dad had cried because of me. Not that I had done or said anything to hurt him [at least not that day]. He had cried because he had read a poem I had written for him in which I have mentioned about growing up into a woman and expressed the fear of getting married some day and being separated from him. My brother had asked me what I had said to him to make him cry. I was astonished because I had not seen him cry. My brother had seen him cry because he was walking past dads’ room when dad was allowing feelings to flow unbounded from his eyes. My dad is a man who does not like to expose the emotional part of his personality.

After I came to know about this incident I walked to dads’ room. He looked up and smiled. The tears were behind the veil by now. He handed over the paper to me on which I had written the poem and which I had kept on the desk by mistake. I never intended to give it to him. It was my personal feeling, my secret but because of that I came to know dads’ secret that though he presented himself as a tough guy from outside, from inside he was a soft person who was susceptible to emotional disturbances just like I was or mom was. I will remember this silent moment for the rest of my life.

Another silent moment, which I would cherish forever, took place few years ago when dad, mom and I had gone to Matheran for a short vacation. We explored the various points and were tired. I am prone to acidity problems and because of that I was having severe headache. I had already puked two-three times and it seemed as if thousands of elephants were dancing on my head. [OK! I know I am exaggerating!! But I was really feeling sick. I hope you got the rough idea of severity by now] I had taken a tablet for acidity and also a painkiller. I was about to throw myself on the bed when dad insisted that we go for a walk. I gave him a look of “How in the world could you think that I am capable enough to go on a walk with you?” But when dad has made up his mind, there is no changing it. He dragged me out of the room and told mom that we would be back in half an hour. I started walking towards the regular path we had taken past two days to visit the various points but he held my hand and made me walk in opposite direction. I was in no mood to question anything and followed his footsteps. It was evening time and the soft breeze tickled my skin. We both walked for some time without saying a word. It was obvious that dad had discovered this path during one of his solitary walks because he knew where he was going.

With my head on the verge of bursting open and legs on way of giving up I managed to look around the place. There was no one on the road, just dad and me. It was so peaceful and all of a sudden I felt that nature was infusing strength in me. I was enjoying the moment and dad was enjoying it too. Slowly the headache seemed to subside. We walked to the nearby park and sat on a bench.

The sun had bid farewell to my part of the world and the moon was already smiling. It was very quiet and even a whisper was loud enough to be heard by a person few feet away from us [It is another story that there was no one around] Dad said, “Tell me when your headache vanishes so that we can go back.” He did not know that it had already vanished the moment we entered the park but I did not wish to return. I could not believe that a little more than half an hour before I had not wished to move out of the room and now I was unwilling to go back. We sat there, silently. Then we returned back to the room. What was supposed to be a walk of half an hour turned out to be a walk of 2 hours! That day dad taught me two lessons ~

  1. Nature is the best medicine
  2. Silence speaks loud enough for two hearts to hear.

Poems related to this post:

Of Love And The Woods

I still remember,
my walk with him in the woods
Where silence soothes the aching heart
Where the birds sing their love song
Where dried leaves crushed under the feet
Make music and not merely sound.

I still remember,
my walk with him in the woods
When he held my hand
And I was assured, I would never be alone
Where time had stood still
As we sat, enjoying each other's company.

I still remember,
my walk with him in the woods
When I saw the other side of Dad
When I rediscovered that I loved him
perhaps a little more than I admit-
When nature was the soothing balm
for all the aches I carried within.


The woods waits for us to visit again,
we might find time out of busy schedule;
and go there, just the two of us,
walk the same road, we had walked years ago ...
But -
Would we be the same, as we were .. then?

Books by Arti Honrao

Depression is REAL

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