In Search of Love...

In Search of love is the story of Vivek, who along the path of life comes across the crossroad, which forces him to make the choice he would have rather avoided.

Dear Shreya,

First, I wish to thank you for being such a wonderful part of my life. Had it not been for you, my life would have not been what it is now.
Though I thank you for all the good in my life, I do not wish to blame you for the bad. It has nothing to do with you. Perhaps, I do not deserve to be loved.

As long as I dwelt in the wonderful feeling of being loved by you, I felt blessed. Actually, even now I consider myself blessed for being able to kiss those soft lips of yours. Tonight, as I sit here alone, thinking about you, I can feel the softness of your lips and the warmth of your body against mine. One moment has changed my life forever.

If I could have got the chance, I would have loved to begin and end all the remaining days of my life kissing those delicate lips.
You might have thought that I am infatuated towards you, perhaps even now you hold the same belief, I assume. However, I know and so does my God, it was love.

I am not sure what to write next. I am stuck. If you read the previous line again, you might realize the reason behind this.
I said it “was” love. I do not know what I was thinking! Perhaps, this statement is result of the deep-rooted dejection or maybe, this is His decision, of the One who rules our lives. Why did He choose to do this to me?
What had I asked in my life? Nothing. I never prayed to Him…
I did not feel the need to.
You were the miracle of my life. He placed you in my life and said, “Amen to all the unsaid prayers” and everything fell in right places. You were a blessing to me. One day, I heard him say, “Go, weave your life around her” and I decided to do so.
I constructed my life around you. Your wish was my command. I did everything I could do to make you happy. I tried my best to be your best friend. I know I did not do it as well as you did, but I swear, I tried.

One day, all of a sudden God decided it was time to pinch me and awaken me from my dream. The kiss was the last scene of the dream and then, I was back to reality. I was awake. God had decided to end it all.
I know I am being selfish here, if I did not question Him for making you a part of my life, what right do I have to question Him as to why he chose to end our relationship. I have to accept whatever has happened. I wanted to give us another chance but you let me down again.
I know you love someone else and I know it hurts. Believe me, I know.
I wanted to help you to come out of your past but I never knew you would become my past, someday.
I read the hints you threw at me all these days, I know I should move on. I am trying. Yes, I am.
However, the bloody tears that spoil the taste of my whisky remind me of you, of our moments together. I am going to fall asleep soon and then we would be together, holding each other in each another’s arms, kissing under the starlit sky. Making promises of a future together and tomorrow, I am going to wake up and have a hangover and then I am going to vomit out all those dreams. Our promises are going to be spattered in the commode and I am going to return to reality.

I do not know why am I torturing myself like this, I do not know what is the end of all this. I do not know how to end all this, however, I know one thing –
Holding you in my arms would be the only thing I would want to do if I come to know that death is knocking on the door.

Man, just a few lines ago, I talked about moving on, but what to do Shreya, what to do? You are a part of me, how do I cut you out and move on?
Why Shreya? Why could you not love me the way I loved you?

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