Arti - The Recent One

Note: This post might bore you, do not say you have not been warned ;)

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I do not know exactly when I had attempted writing Arti Now, which is posted on this page. It also has Arti Then, which was written when I was 28. So, I assume Arti Now was written when I was 29 or 30. Today, I am tempted to write something more about myself when I am 33. Let us see whether I succeed to describe myself in the same 20 points.

1. Born a long time ago, it makes me what I am. Makes me a Virgo, which I am proud of being. 20th September 1977. My demands? Have they changed? Do I have any demands? Of course I have demands, like every other human being and yes, they have changed. The last time I’d mentioned, I wanted to be left alone out of the mess, now, that would not change. But, considering what I have been reading in recent past, the way I have been growing per day, I’d rather demand there be no mess around. The best way to live life is let it be the way it is and, try not to make it complex as per our convenience, to tell ourselves that we have been through a lot.

2. Same. Though, have learned, over a period of time to develop a mature approach to the matters at hand. God! I think I have grown up so much since the time I last wrote Arti Now. Yeah, alright, go ahead say “she’s just praising herself” :p

3. I still have unwavering faith in God. I breathe Him. Change of perspective here, I do not think now that I have seen too much in life. There are many more problems out there in this world. Mind had been cluttered with unnecessary thoughts I agree but then, a little change in the way of thinking and the sky clears out.

4. I still try and succeed to make people laugh. This ability has given me so many blessings to take to heaven when I die. I like it when people smile, despite the problems they are facing. It just happens.

5. I still do it. Though at times I wonder, is it right? Right or wrong, that is the way I am, so be it! People appreciate it or do not; it is their decision. As long as I am doing my part, I am good to breathe.

6. How can loving, caring and loyalty ever change? Would we want it to change? Just wanting it to change, wanting it to be otherwise, makes us totally opposite of what we believe we are. I ask myself. Have I ever thought of this change? The truth? Never. I am not sure whether to like this in me or not, but once again, this is how I am and I am good to breathe. Thinking from the heart? Well! Not exactly. It is either I think with my brain or I do not. It is either I am practical or emotional. Emotional, that I am. Even if I want that to change I cannot get up one fine day and tell myself, I am going to be practical from today onwards. This has put me in a lot of troubles in the past, wonder whether it would continue to be so in the future (who knows). Sometimes, it is worth being emotional. Looking at the world practically, they say, is good for growth. Considering this, I’ve grown very little. Maybe, I would continue to grow a little bit more in future. Growth is good, so what if slow?

7. I still love the sea. Troubled mind soothed by it, in the past, even now and in future too. Unfortunately, I do not remember when was the last time I have been to see the sea!

8. There is further progress on this front, though recently I did lose my temper and break something. We humans might never forget what being angry is. It is a part of us; there are moments when I do get angry but I would not be lying if I tell you people that it is very rarely that I become angry. I am reminded here of a quote ‘Beware of the anger of a patient man’; this quote might be applicable to me in future. Maybe the next time I write about myself, I’d say that I have become much more patient and calmer than what I am now.

9. Friendship. Been a friend to friends, always. Though, at times, have wondered whether they need me? Don’t know the reason why this question comes to my mind at times, but this is the truth and we are talking truth over here. Sometimes, I tell myself not to push myself too much into someone’s life. Seriously. It is good to be a friend, but even friendship has limitations. It is good to stand, ready to be there for your friend, wait. Your friend needs you, be there. It is better to quit being a friend who says, “You will never need anything because I am there.” In this busy and practical life, most of the people want someone who would be there when they need a friend and not when they can survive without one. Fact. Accept it.

10. Live in the now. That is the mantra I am trying my best to follow. We all, at times, love to go in the past. But, honestly, best or shit, past is better left alone. There are haunting times but I try to scare them away with the light of optimism. I have read a lot of books that have helped me to think positively. I have written quotes from experiences to help myself remember. Quotes that have been published here and quotes, which have made people make fun of me, taunting me that I am trying to be a preacher.

11. Cleanliness. Yes, I like it but I am not obsessed about it. There are times when my room is a real mess because I am too lazy to keep it clean and I can live with it. Then, there are times when I suddenly decide to get up and clean it. Get what I mean?

12. Seeing the time I am going to publish this post, I think you will know that I am still a nocturnal person. What it is about nights that I love so much? Nights fill my mind with a kind of peace I can never ever describe in words. There are nights, when I stay awake because of being disturbed but nevertheless, there is some peace in air that is often missing in the day-time at the time of such circumstances.

13. Seriously, I do not even understand why I have mentioned in the ‘then’ that this part has been bitter for me. At this moment, standing where I am standing, I believe nothing can ever be bitter about love. Let it be your love for that special someone or your love for people in your life, in general. Love, is love and it cannot be described as either sweet or bitter.

14. Parties, still a no-no for me. Sea – a place I want to visit but have not since many days. Still use a lot of water while taking bath :)

15. Have almost stopped giving unsolicited advice. People ask for it, I sincerely try my best to be of some help to them or else, most of the times I prefer to mind my own business. And, as far as taking advice is concerned, I can take it also from someone who does not take mine (the unsolicited ones, I mean. I told you, I have almost stopped, which means there are times when I do give them)

16. Recently, I have confused my intuitions with negative thinking. Since then I have been scared of intuitions. But, these are the things that are out of your control. Many a times I consider myself lucky that I have these intuitive powers. I might need to sharpen them a little and learn to have a little more faith in them. The faith that has recently wavered.

17. Bad? I have it in me what every human does. Some of it more, some less. There are moments of jealousy, though I switch the channel/change the frequency of thoughts immediately. There are moments of anger, thankfully getting reduced day by day and during those moments I think of God and that makes it easy to breathe. Sleeping pills had become a part of my life in recent past. Given up now, again.

18. Interrupt me in what I am doing, I might get a little frustrated but once you have my attention, I give it all.

19. I am still possessive about my belongings. However, nowadays I do not remember what I give to others for use. Thankfully, the friends who take books to read return them on their own.

20. Music is still a part of my life. In fact, it has become a way of meditation. And, no, I do not hug my pillow anymore. Have a teddy bear, but I do not hug him either.

Books by Arti Honrao

Depression is REAL

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