Nightmare Reflections

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She felt it strongly. His need, for her to wrap her arms around him. Her own need to hold him and feel his warm body against hers. What am I thinking she scolded herself. It was as if he was attracting her like a strong magnet. She stood there. Watched him as he finally gave up hope and collapsed, weeping like a small child. Her own eyes stung with unshed tears. She could not cry, strange, she thought. Why did the tears refuse to flow? Was it that she had crossed the threshold already? What was it that prevented her from crying? Whom was she being strong for? Did she really have to put up with this brave act? Finally, as if making a decision, she allowed herself to walk towards him. One last chance she told herself, I will give him one last chance and then after that I will just walk out of his life if he fails to understand. Even as she said this to herself, she was sure, in some corner of her heart, that she would not be able to do it. She never could do it in the past, she would not do it now and she would never be able to do it in future. Period.



She did not realize that Sam was looking at her as she walked towards him, almost in a trance like state. His dark eyes looking deep into her soul and catching onto her inner turmoil. They reflected her feelings through the glistening tears. He held up his hand. Give me a moment, he meant. He wiped his tears with the sleeve of his shirt and put on the mask of calm on his face, which he always had on him. Stupid, she thought, really stupid it was. After weeping like a child in front of her he wanted to wipe his tears before she got closer. Or maybe, he wanted to wipe out some reflection in them? Stupid again. This time, she was being stupid. Whatever that meant? Wipe out some reflection in them? Whatever. She waited for him to take the remaining steps towards her. Oh yes, maybe that was what he wanted to do. It was his way of telling her that he was ready to do his part in what they were doing or at least trying to do . She smiled.

It took a moment for him to move. He seemed to be bedazzled by her smile. What was happening between them? Moments ago they both wanted to hold each another and then they were reluctant and now they were walking towards each other, taking slow steps, as if making a decision, a commitment with each step. And, amidst all the tears she smiled. What was it that she was thinking? Or did she simply smile at him? He did not care, as long as he knew that she had forgiven him. Or had she?
He moved further. They were not standing too far apart in the first place, then why was it taking so much time for them to come close? How many steps had they each walked? It seemed as if their shoes were made of lead, making it difficult for them to walk. Or maybe, everything was happening in slow motion. Each of them savoring the moment to the fullest as they always showed in movies! He smiled. She saw the smile on his lips for a moment and then it disappeared to be replaced by the same old mask of calm. It was so frustrating. Why was he hiding his true self like this? What did he fear? Did he not trust her? A few more steps, she thought. He still had to take a few more steps for him to be close to her. He was moving, but he was not coming any closer. Or was it that she was being pulled away from him? What was it that was stronger than his magnetic force? She looked around. Before she could know what was happening, the scene in front of her eyes changed. It was dark. There was no sound other than her breathing. Sam, she called out, her voice almost a whisper as if she feared she might awaken some sleeping monster. Sam, she repeated. Nothing. Complete silence. She switched on the bedside lamp. She was alone in the room. She closed her eyes and lay back again. Concentrating on her breathing. She felt it again. The same desperate need. A strong pull. She opened her eyes, sitting upright at the same moment and found someone standing at the door, just a silhouette, a figure ready either to be completely engulfed by darkness or walk into the light. A set of dark eyes stared at her. Suddenly there was a sound of the flush being used in the bathroom. There was someone else in the room other than the two of them. Both of them looked towards the bathroom as the door opened and a man walked out. The magnetic force intensified as this man walked towards the bed. Without a word he got into the bed and slept with his back to her. She looked at his back, confused. She was still feeling that force being directed at her. Someone desperately needing her. She looked at the door and realized that it was radiating out of the man at the door. Sam, she whispered. She was not prepared for what happened next. The man in bed turned around and answered her whispered call. She looked at him and then at the man at the door. At the same time the man walked a few steps into the light and she was startled to see that he was the same man who was sleeping in her bed. She turned around to look at him, the other side of the bed was empty. Unused. She turned to look at the door. There was no one there. She screamed.

Suddenly, she felt strong arms around her, the magnetic force becoming concentrated at points where another warm body touched hers. She opened her eyes to find herself in his arms, and he was trying to calm her down. Involuntarily she looked towards the door. Nothing. No one. She buried her face in his chest and closed her eyes. All her dreams were waiting in some dark corner to attack again. However, for now, she wanted to enjoy this moment. She was ready to let all her nightmares melt in the warmth of his embrace. Who is Sam? He asked and she opened her eyes.


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