He moved his fingers over the carving, remembering their anniversary. Only then, that day, he had completely forgotten it.
“Who forgets their first wedding anniversary?” she asked angrily.
He had no answer. She was right. Who, other than him, would forget their first wedding anniversary? She loved him despite all his flaws, so it had not taken much time for her to forgive him. He was lucky to have her in his life. Someone who completely understood him! A woman, who even after becoming his wife, continued being the friend she once was.
He sat on the chair and closed his eyes. The movement of the chair was comforting to his disturbed mind. He wanted to call her, hear her voice, talk to her and tell her how much he missed her. He even took out his mobile phone from his jeans pocket and was about to press the speed-dial for her number, but he changed his mind.
The valentine day remained as an invisible barrier in between the two of them for quite some time. She easily ignored the looks the students gave her but it was difficult for her to ignore the look in the eyes of her professors. One of the professors even ‘talked’ to her stating that she was a bright student and she should not waste her time in ‘all such things’.
Things changed a bit after that. She started to avoid talking to him in college. He was fine with that only because they spoke over the phone every evening and went for a walk together at night. Her parents knew about them. This was a plus point. By now, at least he had gotten really serious about his feelings for her. He never questioned about her feelings because he knew it. At the same time he prepared himself for the day when she would come and perhaps say that there was no future for them. Thankfully, that day never came. Holding-hands-while-walking stage of their relationship was soon replaced by hugs.
The third letter to him was during his final semesters. It was just an All the Best letter, but for him, it implied that she would be a part of all the important events of his life. And, that she was.
It was the third day of his examinations when he got a telegram from his father mentioning the death of his mother due to illness. He knew he would have been a lost case had this girl not been there for him like a strong support. He cried in her arms the whole evening. He was even invited to sleep over at her place. She did not want to leave him alone. So, instead of walking back to the hostel he had accompanied her home. Her parents were supportive enough and that meant a lot to him.
Their first night together in the same house, they spent the entire night studying for his exams. The roles were reversed for the night. She was the teacher and he was the student. Her mother was kind enough to make some tea for them. Things had started to get that serious now. They had committed themselves to the relationship without even really committing themselves! They both liked it that way.
In her letter, which she had to post for the first time because immediately after his exams he took a train to his house in Cochin, she mentioned how she felt about the direction in which their relationship was going.
He opened the box and took out the letter. This one was written on a different kind of paper than the earlier ones and was the longest letter she had ever written to him. The other letters were more like notes. He had read this letter so many times and he knew it word to word.
I miss you. I know I have said this several times over the phone but I wanted to say it once more. The moment the train moved out of the station I could feel the emptiness within me. It seemed as if a part of me was being taken away from me. I stared at the train until I could see it no more. It was because of the tears rather than the distance covered by the train. I am a no-tears person. Or, you can say- that is what I believed all these years. Even I was surprised when I tasted the salt of the tears on my lips. That is when I realized I was crying. Everyone at the station was staring at me. A few were looking at me with the expression of “we-know-how-you-feel” and all I wanted to do was cry out loud. I wanted to be invisible or at least wanted others to leave me alone. The right thing to do would have been walking out of the station but I could not move. I did not want to move. I was hoping that you’d change your mind and come back. How selfish of me, right? Would you believe if I tell you that I stood there at the station for half an hour?
This is the first time I am experiencing something like this. Just today, after we spoke over the phone, I went for a walk and without realizing where I was going I walked to your hostel. The best part, I walked to the watchman and asked him to give you a message that I was waiting for you at the gate. Can you believe it?
What is happening to me? Does being in love feel like this?
I never believed what they showed in movies. We both know how much we both hate all that rosy stuff. Therefore, I was really shocked when I found myself entering Archies Gallery simply because I had to spend the time I usually spent with you. I walked to the Love section and went through the cards, which I would have never done had I been in my senses. Not only that, I ended buying something for you! Don’t worry; it is not a heart shaped balloon. It’s this lovely, cute little greeting card which sings “Nothing’s gonna change my love for you”. Okay, I am lying.
But, yes, I did buy something for you. I seriously hope you come back before I become totally filmy and start singing “kabutar ja ja ja” at the top of my voice, standing on the terrace of my building and waving goodbye to the pigeons of my area!
On a serious note –
I love you. I know you have always known that. You were always sure of my feelings, not because you took me for granted but it was because you knew me, sorry, know me so well.
This is the kind of love story I have always wanted where two people really understand one another. Thank you for being that kind of person to me. You must be thinking that I am going too sentimental on you. It’s true, so you can tell me that when we talk over the phone. I never knew this part of me ever existed. Every time we held hands or hugged; it seemed like a natural thing for me. But, this …
Being away from you, being far in distance, this is different. I never want to go through this again. This better be the first and the last time. That reminds me, yesterday night my mom came to my room and asked me “Do you miss him?” Seriously! And, I don’t know why – I started crying. It is not like you have walked out of my life but… forget it.
You know what mom did when I started crying? She laughed and walked out of the room!
After some time, I heard her talking to my dad. She told him that I was crying. I felt so embarrassed! Worst, my dad started laughing too.
But then, all of a sudden they got really serious and discussed our marriage. Yes, you read it right. Our Marriage! I want to know what your reaction was after reading this. I wish you were here. I wanted to see you reading this. I wanted to see the look in your eyes. Do you think it is too early for marriage or do you think we are ready? Am I ready? Are you ready? Are our folks ready for this?
I knew this is the direction our relationship would go in but when I heard my parents talking about it, I felt shivers running down my spine. I want this but I am not sure whether I want this now.
Okay, gotta go!
Regards to your father.
Did I mention I love you?
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