(The One who matters)
All these years of my life I have given you what I could, always did my best … smiled and gave you a smile whenever you needed one. There were times when I was hurt, when I wanted to scream and cry aloud but I did not because I did not want you to know that I was in pain. Instead, I wept silently, my pillow the only witness to my pain.
There were times when I was feeling weak and scared, but I pretended to be strong and confident for your sake so that you could face the world with confidence. I listened when you wanted to talk, I held your hand when you wanted company. I watched over you silently and from a distance when you wanted to be left alone. In all the possible ways, I was always there for you.
I do not ask for anything in return, never would ask anything in return because I believe that whatever I did for you was actually what I did for myself because without you I do not have an identity of my own. People often told me that to be a part of someone else’s life to such an extent that you are nothing without that person, is not only absolutely wrong but dangerous too. I did not care, not until few days ago when you talked about how lost you felt. You cried as I held you in my arms, I was short of words to console you, all that I could do was hold you tight, close to my heart.
And then I wondered –
You say you are lost and I seek my identity in yours, does that not mean that we both are lost souls? How can we both be there for one another when we cannot be there for our own selves? You are a man, to set out to find your identity is not a difficult task…
You can walk out of the door tomorrow saying that you are going in search of your identity. What about me? Where do I go? What do I do without you?
These thoughts tortured me the whole night as I held you in my arms, my shirt wet with your tears and my cheeks wet with mine. I have only one way to find my own identity. I need to step out of your shadow. I need to stay away from you so that I know what I am and what I can be without you in my life. We both need it perhaps, need to find ourselves before we be there for one another.
Please let me go and do not hold me back. I will come back one day, I promise. And I am sure by then we both would have been successful. We would, then, truly belong with each another.
Yours in Love