In Or Out.

Please Note: Whispered Words Communication is Confidential. I have taken permission of the person to share this post. Please be assured that if I want to share something discussed at WW, I would seek your permission AND personal details would be excluded. 


Yesterday I had a whispered words chat with a woman who is in a relationship that has reached a stage where she has to take the most important decision. The decision which would change her life and more importantly, the life of her child. It is a huge responsibility when someone like her approaches seeking advice. Sometimes people need a third persons perspective on the matter and as that third person I try my best to give my opinion. I would not go into the details of her problem but I really wanted to share this (of course with her permission).


Due to various factors she is not happy in the relationship. Her husband does not want to say anything or do anything for the relationship, it is entirely her decision what she does. She can either end the relationship or continue being in it without any attachment.

I asked her a few questions:
1. Has your husband ever cheated on you? Answer: No.
2. Compatibility issues? Answer: Yes.
3. Love Marriage or arranged? Answer: Arranged
4. Does your husband smoke and drink? Answer: Sometimes.
5. Does your husband hit you? Answer: Never.
6. Are there any chances that being in the relationship you would be able to mend it over a couple of years? Answer: No. If I stay in the relationship it would only be for my son. All my emotional attachments with my husband would be gone.
7. May be, you are reacting to something right now and after you clear your head and think again after a couple of days or weeks you might feel otherwise?
Answer: I have been thinking about this for more than six months. The only factor holding me back is my son who is four years old.
8. Since when did the relationship start being affected?
Answer: After my son was born.

I made sure to confirm whether there was a chance of mending the relationship but she said there was no chance at all. She could never love her husband the way she did, ever again. She was worried what affect the divorce would have on her son.

I told her that I believe it is better for her son at an age of four to face the harsh effects of divorce rather than grow up in an unfavourable environment to see his parents behaving coldly towards one another for, maybe, rest of their lives.

In the end, I also suggested that she should give some more time to the relationship. Walk out for some time and let the distance between her husband and her decide whether she really wants to move away or come back. Most importantly, she should not let her son be the excuse for the decision she takes.

I wanted to share this here because I have heard about so many cases where the woman continues to be in marriage only because of a child. Does that make any sense?