Whispered Words article in Writer's Ezine
How would you define Relationships? What do Relationships mean to you? Answering to questions like "Are you in a Relationship?" apart from a yes and a no, we have yet another option of 'it is complicated.' Even social sites asking these questions have gotten smarter.
When someone talks about 'Relationship' he/she mostly talks about their love life. In a Relationship means that they have a partner in their life. I have seen Relationship statuses being changed so frequently these days. One day a person is in a Relationship and a couple of days later the person is Single and looking for. A few are constantly stuck on 'it's complicated' and yet they are 'looking for' rarely have I come across someone who is 'not interested'. Anyways.
What I want to discuss here is about 'Relationships", why do we always assume and always consider a Relationship to be about a couple? Father, Mother, Siblings, Friends - are these not Relationships? Above all, can you not be in a Relationship with yourself? Think, why not?
I believe, the strengthening factor in a Relationship is LOVE and as long as you have Love for someone, you are in a Relationship with that person. I also believe, that to Love others we must first Love ourselves. Unless and until we love ourselves for what we are, unless and until we love ourselves unconditionally, flaws and all, we cannot really love someone else or for that matter - expect someone else to love us.
My own experience in life has been that I have been able to spread love and do justice with the Relationships in my life (And, here I am talking about ALL Relationships in my life, from my father, mother, brothers, sister-in-law, nephew, to other relatives and my friends) only if I have been able to love myself for what I am and accept the flaws in me. To improve or to not improve is a different thing altogether. To know your flaws is the first step.
Love yourself to be loved by others and love others unconditionally to strengthen your love for yourself. This in turn makes you loveable.
Suppose, you know someone who has ill thoughts about you and despite that you love that person, put in your trust and just blindly love that person eventually it leads to the person being embarrassed for having ill thoughts about you, which makes that person have respect for you and love you for the unspoken forgiveness. Being able to forgive someone, or being able to love someone unconditionally is nothing but loving yourself, believing your own righteousness and having faith that as long as you are being good, no one's opinion about you matters much.
I am in a Relationship with myself, I love myself for what I am and that helps me love others for what they are. When Love steps in forgiveness follows. When Ego comes in Love leaves; how would forgiveness stay then?
There are so many unhappy people in the world because they do not know how to be happy. They are constantly thinking about how they have been wronged, thinking about people who wronged them, thinking about how badly hurt they are and sometimes, thinking of ways to hurt those who have hurt them, get even with people who have wronged them. With all these negative thoughts floating around them, they think - why am I not happy? When would I be happy?
Well! The answer is always within, simply fogged by the negativity. You are not happy because you are not allowing yourself to be happy. You would be happy when you let go of all the negativity and learn to be happy. Learn to love yourself. Every morning look in the mirror and say, "I LOVE YOU, no matter what."
If you think you cannot get rid of your problems just by loving yourself, I am going to be in your face saying, "YES YOU CAN." Loving yourself is healing. Once you begin to heal, you accept the facts and you tend to forgive people who have wronged you, who cares if they deserve your forgiveness or they don't. Forgive them anyways, forgive them for yourself.
We all are aware of the saying "Anger is like holding a burning charcoal in your hand to throw at others." We eventually learn that it is more harmful for us than for others.
We are humans, we get angry. How long do you stay angry is what matters. Have a burning charcoal with you? Throw it - vent out. If you are throwing it at someone, make sure you are ready to face the consequences. The consequences, which are less about other person's reaction and more about how you feel about it later. Angry words have their own way of coming back at you and they ALWAYS come and haunt you.
If you fill your heart with love for yourself and firmly believe you have the right to be happy, there is no one powerful enough to change that. Love yourself each day and you will learn to love others. There might be people in your life you cannot love. Forgive them anyways, let them go. Clear the space, clear the negativity and make way for a happy life.