It hurts when the one you love does not reciprocate your feelings. It hurts when all your efforts to set things straight go in vain. It hurts when you are unable to let go. It hurts when everything is rosy one moment and dark the next. All the emotions that are pent up inside you, suffocate you. The other person, it seems, has always been or becomes unemotional, unattached and either unaware or ignorant of your feelings.
You are stuck at a place where there is no road ahead and you cannot find the road back home. Sometimes, the road back home is there, right in front of your eyes, still you cannot bring yourself to move in that direction, you cannot convince yourself to walk down that road which will take you back home to a place where you can be yourself and give yourself a chance to be happy. Sometimes, you do not see the road, sometimes; you do not want to see it. According to you, there is no other solution to this problem. The suffocation is unbearable, yet you cling on to whatever little hope you have, you are waiting for a miracle to happen, for the person to understand, appreciate and reciprocate your feelings. You need that person to hold your hand, to take you back home. However, a little voice in your head says, "That ain't gonna happen." Listen to that voice, it can never be wrong.
So many people in this world are stuck in situations they cannot get out of. Some people do not want to get out of the situation. Everyone needs a love story in their life; even if it is a love story filled with sadness and pain. People tend to remind themselves of the saying - "If it is not a happy ending, it is not an ending at all”... Hoping that someday they would get what they want. What people fail to understand is that happy endings depend on their perspective.
If you want to be in a particular relationship, there is a limit to the amount of time you can dedicate to it. You cannot spend your entire life for that one relationship to click, no matter what it means to you. At some point, you have to let go. People need to understand that being happy does not necessarily mean being happy together with the person they wish to be with. They can either be happy alone or happy with someone else.
End of one relationship does not mean end of life, or an END for that matter, it can always be a new beginning.
Each and every person deserves to be happy. So, be happy. People need to learn to lessen the baggage, they need to learn to let go. If you are stuck at not-leading-anywhere-road, it is time you make up your mind and take the road back home. Yes, it hurts when someone does not reciprocate your feelings but some things are just not meant to be. You need to understand and accept that.
Sometimes, best of relationships fail. Of course, it is very important AND essential to do your best to hold on to it, make amends, rejuvenate it, communicate with your partner and give it a chance, but when all the attempts fail, you need to let go. You deserve to be happy - if not in this relationship then in some other. It makes no sense staying in a Relationship that suffocates you, takes you down a dark path, and makes you feel lost and empty.
The first step is knowing that you need to take action, you need to make up your mind about what you want. Then follows the when, what and how. When should you take action, what you should do and how do you deal with the consequences.
When do you take action? When you feel that you have had enough. If you are in a one-sided relationship where the other person is unaware of your feelings – you need to let that person know. It is better to get rid of the “ifs”. Being afraid of rejection is not going to take you anywhere.
If you are in a one-sided relationship where the other person does not reciprocate your feelings – you need to understand the reason behind it, accept and move on. How do you move on? It depends on individuals. Do what you love doing the most, get involved in activities that keep your mind occupied! Take a vacation, spend time with people who matter. Listen to music, meditate, and spend time with nature. Do whatever heals you. First and foremost, accept that you need to do this, you need to heal, and staying hurt and feeling sorry for yourself is not going to change the mind of the person.
If you are in a relationship where things turned from best to better to good to bad to worse to worst; ask yourself a question first – Why did you allow it to happen in the first place? Why did you wait till the matters turned from bad to worse and then to worst? Why you did not take action when you realized that things are turning to bad? If you are still at the stage where things have just changed to bad, it is not too late to make amends. Also, ask yourself one more question – would your attempts change the relationship status from bad to good once again? Is your partner responsive enough to work with you for the relationship? If you see even a slightest ray of hope, grab it. In any relationship, communication plays a vital role.
If you have made up your mind to give the relationship a second chance, you need to convince yourself that you are going to be able to mend things. It is very essential to have a positive mind-set, it is very important for you to get rid of any negativity and/or doubt that either lies dormant in the recesses of your subconscious mind or constantly keeps hammering your mind every waking hour. How do you get rid of the doubts and negativities? Have faith in yourself, trust your instincts. Give out positive thoughts and receive optimistic response from the universe. Believe. Once you have gotten rid of the negativities and the doubts you need to “talk”. Even if you are a person who does not talk much, even if you think that it is not your fault that the relationship is a mess – TALK. Nothing else is going to help you save the relationship. You need to talk. Leave aside your hurt and/or ego and communicate if you really want positive results. Put forth your point of view, let the other person know that you care. Believe in the magic of touch. Round table discussions do not have a place in relationships. Intimacy is the other side of the coin of communication. Holding hands, a hand on the shoulder, a hug, a kiss matters a lot when you communicate with your partner.
When I say talk, it does not mean that you should not listen. Listening to what your partner has to say is equally important. The person might have something genuine to share, something that bothers him/her. Maybe, something that you did unknowingly, maybe something which you can easily change without changing yourself too much. If you are the person who has been wronged, if you are the one dealing with the anger, with the injustice, speak out. The other person deserves to know that you are unhappy in the relationship. You might want to consider professional help if you think one-to-one communication is not leading anywhere.
Once you have tried everything possible and are still unable to make amends, there are two options available.
1. Convince yourself that you are strong enough to face the consequences of staying in a relationship clouded with doubts, ego clashes, misunderstandings etc. If you believe, your love for the other person is strong enough to mask these negativities, if you are flexible enough to mould yourself into the relationship as per what the situation / relationship status desires then give yourself the chance. If you believe that situation would take care of itself in future; the anger, the hurt will disappear, then give time the chance. Allow it to heal the relationship. And, as you wait make sure you do not add to the already existing negativity. Your optimism is essential catalyst for healing.
2. All efforts have gone in vain? You are not flexible enough? You have done that already and failed miserably? You feel your life is stuck in a vacuum. The suffocation is unbearable. The other person is unresponsive, uninterested and abusive? Walk out. People deal with separation in different ways. How you deal with it would decide the course your life would take. Do not allow yourself to stay put in the hurt phase of a separation. Unless and until you step out of the hurt phase, you cannot really say that you have moved on. Moving on after a serious relationship would take a lot of efforts and I do not say that you will get over the pain in a day, however, to be able to allow yourself to be happy you need to take the first step.
Being hurt is being human, it is okay to be hurt. It is understandable being emotional and not wanting to let go. Relationships are important, every opportunity, every effort to keep it together is required as long as the efforts do not drain you. Optimism and communication is the key. Getting stuck is one thing and staying so is different. While the former is not entirely in your hands, staying there is your decision. Everyone deserves to be home; everyone deserves to be happy.
To cling on to the relationship that leads nowhere, hurts you and makes you feel empty from within is not worth, however do cling on to the hope that you deserve to be happy. Keep your mind open to options. When one relationship ends, it necessarily need not be the end; it might as well be the beginning of a new relationship. Give yourself the chance you deserve. Be happy.