Sentiments



  • One minute you are here and the next moment you are some place else, some time a long ago. That is the thing about your mind. Memories. Everything still exists in the folds of your brain; you may try to forget or honestly believe that you have forgotten but nothing is ever erased. Every memory is registered, good or bad does not matter. Sometimes you bring some out on purpose, sometimes some memory jumps at you on its own, shocking you, shaking you, making you realize how far you have come and at the same time proving to you that you can never really go far enough.
  • Sometimes, there are so many thoughts in your mind that you feel your head would explode and your liquefied brain would splatter across the walls of your room but nothing of that sort happens and eventually you sober down. The thoughts keep nagging at the back of your head but that feels like a dull headache.
    You survive the emotional attack. You always do, you tell yourself. You are a survivor. Somewhere, some force tosses a challenging situation up and down, playing with it as if tossing a ball up and down playfully before throwing it, and then, it throws the situation at you, at the same time challenging you "Let's see how you handle this!"
    And -
    Before you know, the thoughts gear up again, your head spins, you become frantic, you wait for this panic attack to wear off. It does, eventually. All of them do, your head is still in place and you pride once again, in being a survivor.
    Unaware of some other force silently smiling and tossing a situation...
  • Sometimes, it requires only a push from one memory for the wall between the past and present to come crashing down; and the flood of memories to gush forwards overcoming all the barriers of do-not- look-over-your-shoulder and throw you down the valley of thoughts of the past, a free fall with nothing to hold on to, no present, no future; until you land hard on your ass and you jolt back into the present with a mind so disoriented that you do not understand what just happened.
  • There comes a point in your life when you want to leave everything behind, every responsibility, every relation and wander off into the unknown, away from the misunderstandings, the humiliations, the accusations, the attachments and associated pain, regret and stress and just be alone, live, survive and exist only for yourself and no one else..
  • Sometimes you read a book or watch a movie, you know it is fiction and does not make sense in real life; still you find yourself deep in thought and you experience weird tightening of chest, inability to breathe and sadness you cannot describe.
  •  I smile when I talk to people, I make people smile when they are sad and on the verge of crying. I make people feel special because I realize they are victims of self-pity; it is important for them to realize their self worth. I help people, sometimes I go out of the way to help them. It is not my fault whatsoever if someone considers this as some sort of hint of getting special treatment from me and starts living in the illusion that I am interested in them. No, I am Not. If I am, I will say it on face, I have that much guts.
    I like giving gifts, that does not mean I am head over heels in love with you. I like accepting gifts, that does not mean I acknowledge your interest in me.
    The last time I had chatted with someone was almost four years ago. I am not a chat person at all. So, you might not get replies for hi, hello, how are you, what you are doing and the likes, especially if you are someone I do not know. If you are from my school, my relative or know me for years through my blog, then I would exchange a few words, but truth be told, I would still not be able to chat for a long time, seriously, I am not a chat person and I do not mean it in any rude way. It is a different story if you have something important to share, something sensible to talk or discuss.
    I am a sentimental person, I like to share and care but if I get the slightest hint of possessiveness, I will withdraw back into my protective shell.
  •  Nature, in all its beauty infuses optimism and serenity in me and by capturing its beauty with lens and sharing with the world is my minuscule attempt to thank mother nature for her shower of love on me. From headache to heartache, mother nature has healed me and I find joy and a sense of belonging in her arms.
  • I can feel it when someone is sad, hurt, depressed, facing a problem or having troubles. I ask people about it, encourage them too talk to me not because I find pleasure in someone else's pain. It is because I know, deep down somewhere it makes them feel good, relaxed, cared for and some weight is lifted off their chest.
    Call it a blessing or a curse, I am a person whom people really talk to.
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