the dark.

thoughts, intense.
lots of thoughts
knocking on the door - 
knocking. banging.
threatening to break the mind.
cobweb of memories.
deafening silence. 

eyes shut.
she screams…
to drown the silence.
she remembers -
set of knives on the kitchen counter...
she scratches the scars 
on her wrist.
no. no. no. no. no.
those days are behind her.

panic attack.
she hyperventilates
run. run fast. faster
away from the kitchen counter.
out of the house.
she cannot.
slides down to the floor
breathe in through the nose
out through the mouth
she sees through the dark.
her room,
now a clear view.

she listens.
the prolonged lub
sharper, high-pitched dup
lub. dup. lub. dup. lub. dup.
warm tears -
tracks on her cheeks.
more follow.
salty lips.
inhale. exhale.
she nods.
all okay.

she stands up 
straightens the dress
inhale. exhale.
splashes water on the face.
no more salt.
walks out of her room
towards the kitchen.
sees the set of knives 
on the  kitchen counter…
inhale. exhale.
she nods.
picks up the knives.
places them in the drawer.
lub. dup. lub. dup. lub. dup.
she is alive.
she will stay so.
she walks out of the house.
inhale. exhale. smile.
she is okay to face the world.

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