pacing the room usually helped
but not today.
today she was too disturbed
to find solace in pacing.
she tried the other stress-busters
pulled out the neatly folded daily wear -
from her wardrobe
threw them on the bed
and refolded them.
when that did not help
she took the dresses -
and started ironing them
as if getting rid of every crease
was going to sort out what was disturbing her.
her daily wears were folded,
dresses neatly pressed
but her mind was still a mess.
she went to the kitchen -
cleaning dishes helps, she’d heard
she realised -
she had already cleaned the dishes,
as part of her daily chores.
there was nothing left to clean;
she took out dishes from the cabinet
even the ones from the top shelf
and cleaned them -
trying to calm her mind,
stop thinking
as she concentrated
on the movements of her hands
soap on the scrub
scrub on the dish
wash, rinse and dry.
she tried other stress-busters, too
music
reading
dusting furniture
vacuuming rooms
she went on about this
the whole night
and the morning,
her body fatigued
her mind chaotic.
she sat down on the couch
too exhausted to move
she tried to fall asleep
but in vain
her tired eyes watering
vision blurred.
she took a deep breath
and picked up the phone.
typed a message and hit send.
between walking to the couch
and sending the text,
she had taken some sleeping pills.
her phone rang,
she had not expected response
she let it ring.
a few minutes later
the main door was unlocked.
he stepped in
and looked around frantically.
he saw her on the couch,
she was awake, conscious
but in a confused state
she vaguely registered his presence.
he felt her pulse,
checked her breathing.
picked her up and
walked out of the house.
he should have been home
he should have known
she was disturbed
it was not that he did not care
he trusted her
when she said she was fine
clearly, she was not.
he had lost what she had
but his approach was different
he went out with friends
got drunk and passed out on his friend’s couch.
he was barely in the right mind
when he got the text message from her
blood drained from his face
and he’d rushed home.
he should have not left her alone
he should have mourned the loss with her
she had miscarried,
they had lost their child
they should have been together…
he thought as he sat in the emergency room
his head hurt because of the hangover
he was crying now,
his head in his hands
as he waited for
the update from the doctor.
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