only me


i hate to admit but it is true,
sometimes, 
overwhelmed by intense emotions
i seal myself in my room, 
and crouch in the farthest corner -
where no one can see me or hear me
and then i let it out, 
i cry like the world has fallen apart
like i have lost my balance
and i am falling -
into a never-ending void
with nothing to hold on to -
i continue to fall, 
gaining momentum,
waiting for something
to stop my fall
but it does not happen
i just go on, deeper into the void, 
into the darkness
and i continue to cry.

i hear voices 
but i cannot distinguish what the voices say
it is all chaos, 
some whispers some screams -
i try to block them out,
because they scare me -
everything, everyone scares me.

i lose sight of my room, 
there's nothing but darkness.
i close my eyes -
then, there is the deafening silence.
and the uneven beating of my heart,
in tune with my ragged breathing
i concentrate on the heartbeats
my only tether to the real world.
the sign that i am still alive.

i take deep breaths,
try to calm myself down
heartbeats even out 
and breathing slows down.
i realise, it's only me -
who can bring myself peace.
only me,
who can give myself the strength - 
to overcome the emotions
and face the world again. 
it's only me,
who can fight the darkness.

Books by Arti Honrao

Depression is REAL

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